Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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