first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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