Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
