You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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