And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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