Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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