Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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