They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
