Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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