You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
