I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
