just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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