Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
