R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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