I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
