I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize