Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
