this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's great music for shaving your balls
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
