i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
