Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
