Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm both gender and math confused
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