is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
