Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
