She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
