you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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