I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize