false alarm. still invincible.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
