No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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