Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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