i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
