I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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