so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
