is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
