somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
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HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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