Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
