Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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