The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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