I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
