I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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