Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
