i wish starbucks made bloody marys
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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