you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
