sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
