Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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