All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
