I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
