I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I love having hate sex.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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