I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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