yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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