3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
