I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
