do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
