this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
