I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
