Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
