So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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