The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
