when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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