so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
