U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
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he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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