No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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