When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
