I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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