$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
