Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
