right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
