I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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