it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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