I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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