I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have aggressive nipples.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
