After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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