You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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