wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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