Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
