just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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