If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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